from now on my penis is your penis
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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