the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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