What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
