why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
