Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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