I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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