My cat gives me a boner
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
