you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
