You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
