She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
