he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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