Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
