he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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