they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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