There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
