Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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