just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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