make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
