he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
