You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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