I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
