At least make sure they are 18
Why
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
