looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
