I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
