True but thats because hes a fetus.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
