WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
