I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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