I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
