i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
