I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
