Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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