I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
