How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
