do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
