Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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