It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
