if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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