Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
