there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
