turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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