I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
