I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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