She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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