Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Everything about him screamed your future.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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