I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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