Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
