Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
