bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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