you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
