Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
