She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
