i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
