So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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