I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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