Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
