I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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