I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize