her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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