dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
