Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
