He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
