you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
