I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
