Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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