my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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