Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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