I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
