my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
