Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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