If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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