U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
