I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
